Well, they've finally done it. I read in the paper this morning that the state of Kansas will now be educating its children by saying Darwin was never proven, and teach Intelligent Design instead. First of all this blatantly violates separation of church and state, and secondly it opens up a whole nasty can of worms where discrimination is concerned. Because due to teacher bias, location, community and what not, such teachings will inevitably err on the side of one particukar religion, and teach its a given. That will only lead more people to think other religions are wrong, leading to more hatred and problems in a cultural already waiting to explode.

I find such things an affront to humanity. It strikes a blow to science and logic and negates everything we have fought for since the renaissance. Its almost midieval.

Maybe Darwin was wrong after all. From where I'm sitting we didn't evolve from apes. We seem to be evolving INTO apes.

Thursday morning, Karl Hoffman passed away. His wife found him upon returning from her mother's place, Friday afternoon. She sent me an email saturday, but alas, my cable modem died on me Friday. I only learned the news this morning. I'm still very upset, shocked and grieving.

Karl was so much more than a friend to me. He was a mentor, a teacher, a confidente. He was the only other person I knew who could get so giddy about research. Who would light up when he found a new study. He was always the first to chime in, let his opinions and theories be heard.

Karl and I met on cuttingedgemuscle.com. He quickly became a mentor to me, seeing and nursing my potential. He lay at the base of me becoming a moderator at cuttingedgemuscle, the most distinguished and renowned scientific bodybuilding forum online. A place where true science and knowledge is held in high regard. He became my idol, but more importantly he became my friend.

Several months ago, I toyed with the idea of writing a book. And I asked Karl to write the foreword. That project never took off, due to time constraints. But obviously Karl remembered that. A good month ago he came to me, and said he had been commissioned by Matt Boldt of SAN nutrition to write a book about Anabolic Androgenic Steroids. And he wanted me to co-author it. To write a book with one's mentor, to be portrayed at the same level, is a true honour, and for the past weeks it has devoured my spare time.

Two weeks ago, Matt Boldt said he was backing out of the project, but Karl and I agreed to see it through and take it from there. Now, two weeks have passed, and Karl is gone. I was going to send him some drafts of profiles Friday evening. He was already dead then. In his memory, I've decided to finish the book, and dedicate it to his legacy.

Karl was considered by many to be the greatest mind, ever, in the online bodybuilding community. He will be sorely missed. He wrote a multitude of articles, and posted frequently on the cuttingedgemuscle forums, a site he was co-owner of. We, his friends, and fellow-moderators, are left with a gaping hole in our hearts that will not be easily filled. If ever. No one can replace the likes of a man like Karl, better known as nandi. The great ones only come along once in a while.

He leaves behind a grieving widow, two cats and his beloved bird. I hope that wherever he is, he is at peace. And that they have a gigantic scientific library there. And if ever we meet again, Karl, I hope I will have made you proud.

Rest in peace ...

Today I was particularly amused by how easily you can play other people. How every single person has a more or less predictable range of reactions to any given situation. It says a lot about a person's self-esteem and intelligence how they deal with such bait when you put it out. The reaction is usually predictable and more or less inevitable, but the reflection given to the reaction usually betrays whether or not the person realizes he is being baited. In this case I doubt the person in question is even smart enough to realize it should she read this.

Today was a slow day. Worked for 8 hours and hardly anybody came to the gym today. That makes it very tiring, when you have little to do, but it gave me the opportunity to catch up on some research, which in turn allowed me to finish a first draft for an idea for the book I mentioned yesterday. And some time to read. Its been a long time since I had time to actually read. I had forgotten how enjoyable it can be.

Tonight I'm sitting home alone, for the first time in a very long while. And that too, is strangely soothing and comforting. I miss wanda and all, but unlike her, I need and enjoy the occasional time spent alone.

Tomorrow I work only 3 hours, then I'm off the rest of the day, all of monday, and most of tuesday. Monday evening I've made plans to go out with my best friend, first to go see a movie, then probably a nightclub. My way of making the best of what little free time is bestowed upon me, and I feel like going out. Haven't really gone out since july.

Hope you all are still well.

Peter

I feel good today. But I feel good for a bad reason. Things are going moderately well in my life, I can't complain. I'm mostly happy because all the people I don't like seem to be down lately. I thought I was past all that childish stuff, and personally I think its bad karma to feel the way I do because I do, but for now, screw it, I haven't felt this care-free in a long time.

Yesterday I took my final exam for statistics and analysis. It was a do-over, cause I fucked it up in January. But it went well, much better than expected. Now I still have two weeks off to enjoy before classes start again. Final year before I graduate as a biochemist. I can't wait. Using my spare time to get back into some old hobbies. Photography is becoming more important, apparently it stimulates me enough to learn more about, and I'm now working with two internationally renowned photographers to learn some tricks of the trade and reading a lot of books on composition and optical physics.

Apart from that I'm becoming more active in the sports community again. And I was recently asked to co-author a book on anabolic steroids by a friend of mine and a respected scholar. In our field, he was always the man I admired most, and last year, when I was contemplating writing a book myself, I asked (and he agreed) to write the foreword. That idea didn't pan out (life got in the way). But now the offer is on the table to co-author a book. This is phenomenal, historical even. because I know between the two of us we could make a definitive and complete book, unrivaled even. Still working out if it is feasible for me to embark on this endeavour, given this is my final year, and it will be a busy one, and he is still waiting on the ok from his employer, who commissioned the book. But if at all possible, I feel this is one of the greatest things to happen to me.

I'm still working in the month of september, I got the cushiest job you can imagine, working at the gym/sauna of the biggest hotel on the Belgian coast. Now this gym used to be under private ownership, leased from the hotel. But they bought a bigger gym and moved out, and the hotel insists on keeping the gym open, at least until the end of september, for their guests. Then they'll decide whether to lease it again, manage it themselves, or close it down. But since it no longer has private members, and very few people at the hotel feel much like working out with the good weather we are having, it basically means I can just sit their for 6 to 8 hours a day, 6 days a week. I studied for my exam, I read, I work on the laptop, I work out myself, talk to the people who do come etc. And I get payed for it too And payed well.

Prior to september I also worked at a restaurant for two weeks. I used to work their over the summer when I was younger, and my mom has been working their part-time for 3 years now. But my mom has taken ill (low BP, hypothyroid) and I had to fill in. Now that REALLY pays well. I made more in two weeks than I will this entire month. I love that job too, but I just don't want to do it the whole summer anymore, because it basically usurps the only free months I have.

Wanda is doing great as well, we are still making plans for the future. Her school just started again, at a new school by the way, and she is really enjoying herself. Its a little harder, but its the most prestigious school in town. But she likes it there, she is having fun, loves most of the teachers and made 4 new friends the first day. After school she stops by my work, does her homework and works out a little. But then of course, I make sure she does She's smart and beautiful and I don't want her to waste her chances.

All those are reasons to feel good, but strangely enough it took the misfortune of others I dislike to make me feel great. It motivates me to do better in life, because they always the best revenge is living well. I believe the best revenge is living better. So it fuels me. Fuels me to do better, be kinder, work harder, help others and be the best at what I do. I don't know, maybe its wrong. But for now, lets just say the end justifies the means.

Hope the rest of you are doing well too

Peter

So like I told you, the comments on my photographs were generally very good, just the beginners mistakes I need to watch for such as pay more attention to the model, not the background, some composition mistakes and so forth. Just two negative comments from two 'friends'. Now one of them I had a chance to talk to and she explained her point of view, so when I read it now its not so bad.

The other was indeed, as I said, but had not hoped, envy. This girl is also a sort of a hobby-model. She is also on DA so I won't mention her name, even after the loathful things she did.

So anyway, wanda had subscribed to two sites for modelling. The second site she got through this girl, and to avoid some hassle she hadn't exactly filled in the correct age. But she told the photographers every time when they contacted her. So this mourning her account on the second site goes offline for lying about her age. Now the only person who knew both her real age and that she was on that site was said girl. And all this because wanda was able to set up more shoots in 3 days than she was over the past 6 months.

Then she goes into a rant about copying her with the graveyard shoot, while that wasn't even her idea. Wanda had suggested gothic, I suggested the old graveyard, and I personally didn't even know this girl had ever done a shoot on a graveyard, which I'm sure wasn't her idea. And if she really did, it definitely wasn't that beautiful graveyard, which I chose for its atmosphere and scenic background (lots of old historic graves with beautiful sculptures). Then supposedly about the way she set up her site, which was very minimalistic. And wanda claims it was this girl who had suggested she do it that way :-S go figure.

Then she goes on and says it was for wanda's own good, and that she should have patience etc. This girl was only 17 when she started doing nude shots, and she is telling wanda to have patience :-S. Wanda has accompanigment to every shoot, this girl goes alone to meet strangers ... !!!

Then she starts off about some photographer wanda had a shoot with. This photographer contacted wanda through the first site and KNEW her real age. Funny she started about that photographer, because when wanda got that shoot (before she even knew about the second site) she said she was dying to get a shoot with that photographer, so wanda had set it up for her, cause the photographer would have never done a shoot with her otherwise. Now all of a sudden she's like 'oh, I can get enough photographers (evidenced by only three shoots in the last 6 months or so ...) and I don't need/want him'.

All of that clearly ads up to one single motive, and I'll let you guess what it was. If you can't guess, its in the title .

And by doing all of this, she not only stabbed wanda in the back, but me as well. ANd if that is the way she treats their friends, then I don't need that kind of friends around.

And come on now, honestly, if she was really concerned with what was best for wanda, wouldn't she have talked to wanda about it first ? Before diming her out ?

Of I almost forgot the best part, she only verified wanda's age, by tricking me into telling it to her, saying it was for a b-day calendar !!! And that, to me, was the ultimate betrayal. No one plays me for a fool, and I will get my own back.

Peter